Two weeks ago I was sitting with a bunch of guys over a slab of bacon, two over-easy eggs and about a pot of coffee each- talking about, "Why Evangelical Jesus followers don't repent very easily." This week I hung out with a great friend, who opened up his heart to me about a process of repentance that God brought him too and through that truly saved his life; Also this week our church plant network has been dealing with an issue of repentance that has threatened to kill a young pastor, his sweet wife, three young kids and the church God raised up around them.
I am so teeed off at the devastation of our own sinful behaviors, the power of addiction, and the deep scars that unrepentance can bring; that I probably shouldn't be writing;(BTW- by unrepentance I also mean 'incomplete half repentance') Yet in the midst of this, I am amazed at the beauty, new life, reclaimed love and new found freedom that honest repentance, ownership of sin and accountable recovery can bring by the grace of God!
I think we, churches in general, do a really sucky job at creating authentic environments for true repentance to happen, or want to happen. Why is it that usually the only time we hear about a guy who wants to repent is AFTER he has completely destroyed his own life and the lives of those he loves?! Don't go mis reading me now -I am not o.k.-ing the touchy, feely, mystic church environments that continually endorse that we just let it all hang out, our sin, our addiction, our struggles with deep temptation, repenting openly every Sunday at 'open mike' time, and then lets just see what happens..... Most time what happens is they describe their lust and struggle so powerfully and attractively that three or four other guys get hooked into the same deep sin. -'Watch in case you fall into the same sin'- Something Apostle Paul warned about in the midst of leading others in repentance.
But I do think we have made our faith so sterile in our church cultures that there is no room for the true authentic repentance that should be happening when Jesus followers are instructed to 'confess your sins one to another and bear one an others' burdens.' I do believe a sterile faith is an impotent faith. (Unwilling to engage in the messiness of authentic spiritual relationships in Christ, removes the opportunity for the power of God to press in on those areas of our life).
What is repentance for any way? So that the offender is so devastated and destroyed, bloodied and wounded while the rest of the soldiers shake their self righteous heads and say, "Yeah, I knew it, He was a 'poser- soldier' really anyway, lets all kick him on the way to the pot- luck mess hall called church after the battle." For many situations that I have witnessed and even been involved with, that seems to be the totality of the act of repentance. No wonder guys wait until their lives are completely destroyed, and then are forced to repent or at least to make part confessions.
Isn't the point of repentance so that we can make direct steps away from devastation and towards reconciliation? Isn't recovery and reconciliation- true peace, PAX, shalom- the whole point of repentance. I am not sure how but do believe if we can focus on creating environments of reconciliation, recovery, redemption there will be a natural outflow of relationships of repentance.
I love it when my kids come to me to confess their love for me and need of me to care for them, because they are worried something they said or did has possibly hurt my heart. I hate it when I have said or done something that has hurt the heart of my wife or my kids...I just can't let it go...I have to make it right by honest confession and repentance.....so that the love can be restored! Ahhhhhh the secure, joyous, safe place of reconciliation; Looks and smells like relationships of true love.
I am so teeed off at the devastation of our own sinful behaviors, the power of addiction, and the deep scars that unrepentance can bring; that I probably shouldn't be writing;(BTW- by unrepentance I also mean 'incomplete half repentance') Yet in the midst of this, I am amazed at the beauty, new life, reclaimed love and new found freedom that honest repentance, ownership of sin and accountable recovery can bring by the grace of God!
I think we, churches in general, do a really sucky job at creating authentic environments for true repentance to happen, or want to happen. Why is it that usually the only time we hear about a guy who wants to repent is AFTER he has completely destroyed his own life and the lives of those he loves?! Don't go mis reading me now -I am not o.k.-ing the touchy, feely, mystic church environments that continually endorse that we just let it all hang out, our sin, our addiction, our struggles with deep temptation, repenting openly every Sunday at 'open mike' time, and then lets just see what happens..... Most time what happens is they describe their lust and struggle so powerfully and attractively that three or four other guys get hooked into the same deep sin. -'Watch in case you fall into the same sin'- Something Apostle Paul warned about in the midst of leading others in repentance.
But I do think we have made our faith so sterile in our church cultures that there is no room for the true authentic repentance that should be happening when Jesus followers are instructed to 'confess your sins one to another and bear one an others' burdens.' I do believe a sterile faith is an impotent faith. (Unwilling to engage in the messiness of authentic spiritual relationships in Christ, removes the opportunity for the power of God to press in on those areas of our life).
What is repentance for any way? So that the offender is so devastated and destroyed, bloodied and wounded while the rest of the soldiers shake their self righteous heads and say, "Yeah, I knew it, He was a 'poser- soldier' really anyway, lets all kick him on the way to the pot- luck mess hall called church after the battle." For many situations that I have witnessed and even been involved with, that seems to be the totality of the act of repentance. No wonder guys wait until their lives are completely destroyed, and then are forced to repent or at least to make part confessions.
Isn't the point of repentance so that we can make direct steps away from devastation and towards reconciliation? Isn't recovery and reconciliation- true peace, PAX, shalom- the whole point of repentance. I am not sure how but do believe if we can focus on creating environments of reconciliation, recovery, redemption there will be a natural outflow of relationships of repentance.
I love it when my kids come to me to confess their love for me and need of me to care for them, because they are worried something they said or did has possibly hurt my heart. I hate it when I have said or done something that has hurt the heart of my wife or my kids...I just can't let it go...I have to make it right by honest confession and repentance.....so that the love can be restored! Ahhhhhh the secure, joyous, safe place of reconciliation; Looks and smells like relationships of true love.
"Even while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!" Ahhhhhhhh looks and smells like true love- "reconciling us to the Father."
1 comment:
Ever since you wrote this I've had it in the back of my mind. You wrote it just at the time a friend of mine was going through a horrible time because she found out her husband had a recent affair and their 15+ years of marriage now seem to her to be a bunch of lies. Through her struggles, God has used me in her life to relate to her and make her see there is at least one other person who has felt the EXACT same feelings she's is going through. God has also used her in my life for more healing from my past marriage relationship. To this day I still wonder how much of it was a lie.
I have been pondering (for years maybe) why it is that it seems to take some people until their lives are completely ruined, and family finally has had it and leaves for ever, before a light bulb goes on in their heads and they say, "OH! Duh! What have I done to my life and theirs?" And then you wonder if their repentance is real or if they are just manipulating the situation to get back what they lost, and want... ie. more selfishness.
Long story long, your reasoning about the church developing a place where people can truly repent without being kicked in the teeth is an aspect I hadn't thought about specifically. And you're right.
A couple of months ago, the friend I mentioned stood in front of the church here with her husband as he confessed what he has done and how God has changed his life. He seems to be "over it" and choosing to live His life for a God he has finally come to know personally. She is left broken hearted and wants to figure out how in the world this all happened. Why didn't she suspect what was going on? Why didn't she see the signs? How could he look at her straight in the eye and lie without blinking an eye?
The good news is that she has started a group in our church for people who have someone in their lives with an addiction. She is slowly working through this ordeal, and her husband is being patient with her as she goes through all the cycle of emotions.
I thought it showed true repentence when her husband got up in front of all the people he'd tried so hard to fool all these years to tell them what he had done, and how his parents had trained him to lie as a child by having him answer the bill collector's phone calls and tell them his parent's weren't home (among other things). It must've nearly killed him to humble himself to that level and basically call himself a phony in front of people he would do anything to impress.
I've known a couple of people like this in my own life. They say and do what they think it will take to impress whoever they're trying to impress. Once they get them sucked in (because they can see the suckers from a mile away) they end up bored once they've won them over in a close relationship and done their "job," or they continue to try to impress and the people think they're wonderful people, bla bla bla... It's so hard for me to fathom how in the world someone can be so disconnected from other people's feelings. Like you, I mourn when I know I've hurt someone else by something I've said or done.
The bottom line - Repentance. MY my repentance for bitterness and hatred toward these people too. And forgiveness. God has a wonderful way of changing your feelings toward people you've forgiven and are praying for! God had a plan through all my pain. I'm a different person than I was 5 years ago. I'm thankful for the situation I was forced to go through. God taught me many things about people through it all. To be able to rest in God, and to see when someone is abusing me verbally or emotionally. God doesn't want that for me, or anyone else.
I will be praying and asking God to transform His churches (however He chooses to do that) into places where people can go to Him in true repentence before they've completely devastated their lives and the people's lives they love.
Thank you for what you had to say about the subject of repentance and church sterility. It has made me really think lately.
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